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Location: IAH | Don't forget to view political funnies @
http://www.newbid.net/Breakroom/photos/photo-main.asp
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Location: IAH | YOU HAVE TWO COWS.....
DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to
shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature' private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to
find alternatives to milk production but use the money
to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's
Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's
milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one
best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
Lou-PVD |
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Location: IAH | ONLY DON RICKLES COULD GET AWAY WITH THIS
Don Rickles Roasts the Dems...
Hello, dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?
Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint - A Saint Bernard.
Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid's so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I'd say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.
Speaking of the Speaker... Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
Seriously, the Speaker may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. She really is an idiot.
Madame Speaker... want to make twelve bucks the hard way? Pelosi says she's not partisan, but her constituents call her Madame Pelossilini.
Charlie Rangel... still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft?
Rangel's the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He's the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn't he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.
Barney Frank - he's a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider... he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown and they're not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they're still heading up the financial system!
Let's all admit it... Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain.. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that's right... he's from Massachusetts . That's the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry -- man of the people!
You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him.
Here's a news flash, Dodd: when your local newspaper calls you a "lying weasel", it may be time to retire.
Dodd's involved in more shady deals than the Clintons . Even Rangel looks up to him!
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you... especially given your upbringing. All you've overcome.... I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
As for President Obama, what can I say? They say President Obama's arrogant and aloof, but I don't agree.
Now it's true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
His mind is open to new ideas -- so open that ideas simply pass through it.
Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really was Barack.
Just don't ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record... he actually lied more in 60 days than Bill Clinton.
FOR THOSE THAT VOTED FOR "HOPE AND CHANGE"...
BEND OVER AND PREPARE TO RECEIVE YOUR BOUNTY!
Source http://directorblue.blogspot.com/2009/03/don-rickles-roasts-congres...
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Location: IAH | SNL Obama Link Very Funny rated Y14 |
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Location: IAH | Only way to beat the Three Stooges 
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Member
Posts: 8
| Is This Funny? Crazy Birthers!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIsQJNTvlUE
And Here!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd5gm8XKv_w
Conspiracy ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH_jYyhAqM4
Edited by Ramp Dude 2010-01-20 19:57
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Location: IAH | Very Funny |
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Member
Posts: 8
|  Barney Frank Wins Porker Of The Year
Frank in June of 2008 said Fanny & Freddie are good.......Fannie and Freddie bailed out cap has been raised from $400 billion to now an unlimited amount of tax payer's money.
What They Said
Clueless
I'm not sure this is funny?
Edited by Ramp Dude 2010-02-28 19:29
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Member
Posts: 8
| Flying on Obama's private plane.
Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000
bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills out of
the window and make ten people very happy.
Michelle added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of
the window and make a hundred people very happy..
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot,
Such big-shots back there... I could throw all of them out of the window and make
156 million people very happy.'
If you're one of those 156 million, pass this on!!
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Member
Posts: 8
| Subject: Fw: Fwd: Obama turning white......
Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked
in the mirror and noticed that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.
In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over,
he called his doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid,
gave it to Barack, and told him to drink it all.
Barack drank the concoction and said,
"That tasted like bullsh*t!"
"It was." the doctor replied, "You were a quart low." |
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Location: IAH | This is kind of funny!
http://videos.nj.com/star-ledger/2010/05/gov_christie_calls_s-l_col...
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Member
Posts: 8
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO2eh6f5Go0
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New User
Posts: 2
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Member
Posts: 8
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LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT:
IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.
IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.
IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.
IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.
IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.
IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.
IF YOU CROSS THE MEXICO BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO PRISON TO ROT AND THEY ARE NOT KNOWN FOR THEIR SANITATION.
IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:
* A JOB,
* A DRIVERS LICENSE,
* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
* WELFARE,
* FOOD STAMPS,
* CREDIT CARDS,
* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
* FREE EDUCATION,
* FREE HEALTH CARE,
* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON,
* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE,
* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRYS' FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DONT GET ENOUGH RESPECT,
* AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE (the right of a citizen).
Edited by Ramp Dude 2010-08-02 04:07
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Politics Is Funny
